Seeing the Big Picture Part (3)
How can we realize, in the moment, that we are changing these people’s lives? When do the kids like us enough? Can you give yourself credit for the relationships you are creating? Can you feel confident in them? Even though it may take decades to see it, your stepchildren are affected by everything you say and do.
When my stepchildren suddenly start using a turn of phrase that I use, I get a little feeling of satisfaction. Even though they don’t know it right now, I am affecting their worldview. I am having an influence on their lives and their perceptions of themselves. By walking beside them for a while on their path through life, I am modeling a way of life they haven’t seen until now.
And that’s a valuable contribution. When I treat their father with respect and love, they see that, too, and it makes a difference. Your husband is the reason you’re in this new stepfamily. You’ve made a choice to be with him, faults and all, just as he’s chosen you.
And when those kids all finally move out of the house for good, what kind of relationship do you want to have with him?
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